Hi Mom,
It’s me, your son. Sorry I haven’t called lately. I’ve been busy. First of all, I want to say that I appreciate how supportive you and dad were when I shifted from med school plans to neuroscience research. At least I was using my biology degree, I’m sure you reassured yourselves. Even when I packed up from Boston and headed to San Francisco things seemed ok.
I’m writing to tell you I’ve met someone new. His name is Joe. He’s not the reason I moved to San Francisco, but meeting him has changed my life. No, it’s not that sort of relationship. Don’t worry, I have a girlfriend. She is very nice and all that, but what I really want to tell you about is the beer.
Joe and I produced 43 beautiful little bottles of amber colored deliciousness last month. I’ll tell you more about them and how hard we worked on them later. I hope you get to meet them (you’re always talking about wanting grandkids – simply expand your definition).
Anyway, I just wanted you to know what I’ve been doing with my biology degree. You look confused Mom. Brewing beer is biology. Biology at its best, if you ask me. It’s understanding how to use a simple organism to produce a product enjoyed by millions. Anyway, check back often and you’ll see that I really am putting my diploma to good use.
Oh, and Joe and I moved in together.
Love,
Your Son
Fun. Perhaps an extensive comparison of beer to babies for the benefit of Sandra would be helpful. It probably would not console her in her wanting to fulfill a primal and basic need, but you may acheive humor.
Best,
What are you trying to do my friend? If she dies from stress I will expect you to come home and shop with me on the day after Thanksgiving.
Can I sell my jewelry at your brewery, I’m thinking of quiting school and making jewelry.
Dear Matthew,
The definition of biology, according to Webster’s Dictionary, is ” a branch of knowledge that deals with living organisms and vital processes.” In my opinion, that does not describe beer making. It is not a vital process. I have lived a lot of years without it. Say hello to Joe.
Love,
Mom
P.S. You have a girlfriend?
And, yes, I would love to meet your 43 babies. I’m sure they will all still be available to meet me when I come to visit.
Love,
Mom
Coming right along I see!! Hope all continues to go well.
Hello Matthew! I always knew you’d be something big. Brewing beer is BIG Business, as almost everyone I know supports the industry. Your mom appreciates your mixing of living organisms and vital processes! How’s the new girlfriend? I’m glad someone is keeping beer making in America. Good Luck, Gina
Dear Gina,
He needs no encouragement! I think you should have gotten this out of his head in the 2nd grade. Mommy Dearest
Oops! I meant 3rd grade!